The Mindfull that’s in All of Me

Billie Holiday – All of me via @YouTube

Please please please check out this song

You’ll b happy to hear it’s not MY song

Cause I just ain’t like that- Billy Holiday -All of me

Pure unadulterated emotion

Tried for half an hour to copy the link 🔗 now I’m gonna free myself from the chains of technological challenge, find an iota of energy and go down the stairs and get that dratted lap top

Now  I’ve got that straight-  I wanna wear the deconstructionist white coat-if u don’t mind

All of me, why not take all of me

What a thing to say- I mean- when I re heard this 2 weeks ago-the aesthetic alone blew myears – sweet honey dripping melancholy –

Billy surpassed herself with the sentiment and sound blended, entangled, entwined tragically and perfectly

But those first utterances also reminded me of what I have said to all those around me for 39 years

You took the best, so why not take the rest

Baby take all of me

These lines, remind me of how easy it is to lose self esteem for the sake of love.  We give ourselves up, hoping the sacrifice will heal us.  Sometimes, we put ourselves on the altar – willingly, sincerely, desperately

Other peoples altars are what we’ve chosen to  languish and drape ourselves on

and can u guess the outcome?

Bad Bad vibes thrown in with a bit of icon worship

I just wanted to give myself to others – their pain their angst their injustice

When you feel like you are really a waif and stray!!
When you feel like you are really a waif and stray!!

Listening to soul full Billy – I can start to b a grown up and take responsibility for this path of self deprivation I chose

That I need to re define stuff but free of bitterness or resentment

It’s all a bit overwhelming when I look at the magnitude of it all-thats where the present, the gift of now, the mind full ness sets a new chilled tone

Rather than the

All of me

mantra- I am living in the now, the senses of the present are the things I am dwelling on.

The feel of my daughter’s heavy head on my elbow, the freedom of wiggling my toes in the warm duvet, the orangey tint of my lamp, the transcendent sound of Billy, the knowledge and powerlessness of all she suffered… but just accepting it. No need to fight or shout or rant about injustices that slavery, poverty bring…

I’m living in that now moment and making the fullest I can of it

Knowing not just hoping that the big pic of my life and my nearest and dearest will sort in the time God choses

If I have any hope of being a help not a hindrance in my life – I need to be in that calm place and claim  All of Me back from the arena of public torture I placed myself in at the tender age of 15

Thanks Billy for teaching me today to take the eyes of navel gazing self sacrifice

but search for what is good noble pure RIGHT now before me  right in front of me

Soaking up the magnificent now
Soaking up the magnificent now


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