Nightmares. ..

I’m just so damn scared coz I’m scarred…

Things I try to ignore in the day haunt me at night…

You can’t escape the pain forever… Time for mourning is needed…

Mourning lost hopes and dreams, lost innocence, lost trust…

So painful yet without it, real healing is impossible…

I need to go back to the pain, bit by bit, accept the facts of what happened…

Instead of being the strong, single mother who can face anything… I shed that skin and allow the wounds to weep..

The exploitation, the constant abrasive words, the torture, the threats, the reminders of my inadequacy from children and adults around me, the burying alive with scripture, the silencing in the name of God…

My church triggered my psychological traumas, in the name of Jesus…they destroyed me for the sake of their God given mission…because I questioned their system…. they put me in my place…

I walk away, I get out, I say no more… I rest, I recover, I heal…

As Lauren Hill said when liberating me through these inspired lyrics-

Are you sure it’s God you servin’
Obligated to a system
Getting less then you’re deserving
Who made up these schools, I say
Who made up these rules, I say
Animal conditioning
Oh, just to keep us as a slave
Oh, just get out
Of this social purgatory
Just get out
All these traditions are alive
Just get out
Superstition killing freedom

 

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